Deborah;

So twenty eleven huh

2011-01-03T02:08:00.000+08:00

I'll be honest. If I knew that that was the last time I was gonna hug you, I wouldn't have let go. Who cares who was looking. But that being said, if I knew anything was gonna be the last with you, I would've treasured it all more. And that being said, it's too late (:

And that being said I had the best New Year's hug everrrr hands down no one can ever top it (:

Everything for the past three days have been an odd whirlwind. Everything else moves slowly. But my head spins with "could be"s and "what if"s. It's been.. tolerable?

Dance continues-
School begins.
Starbucks saturdays studying kicks in- whoa loving my alliteration if I may say so myself(: Hehh ~

Time to snap out of my trance and work on making every thing else work. I can't sit back and wait for my life to fall back into place.

I'm gonna try out this whole God thing again. It's about time I stopped fooling around.

Slowly

I love Sharms for getting me throughh. When everyone was gone. Ily sharmsieee <3

Hey so whaddya know, things are looking better. Maybe 2011'll be a better year.

I'll not worry about who I can have to rely on. I'll not worry about school. I'll not worry about new classmates. I'll not worry about studies (okay maybe a little, or a lot whichever works) Trust God's the plan.

I'll try?

Maybe you'll figure out that this is you. Or maybe you'll never. But I miss you whether you miss me or not. And hey that isn't so bad is it? Admitting it I mean (:

Alexithymia

2010-12-31T01:14:00.002+08:00

I couldn't do it over the phone the other day and I was so exasperated because for all I know the other person misinterpreted me.

I hate being misunderstood so badly. And now I feel ignored, and despised by them.

I did make a mistake but it seems like no one really cares to forgive me for it. I can't do anything about that.

I do not like to feel cheated, used, lied to.

I detest being alone. No one to talk to, no one to rely on, no one to have around for me. A day or two ago it probably would've bothered you how hurt I am right now, but now it doesn't matter anymore. Wow that really hurts even more.

I loathe the fact that both my best friends have abandoned me. One's sick and has inadvertently left all the work of choreographing to me (I don't blame her but it sucks) The other's so busy and has so many things going onnn (I don't blame her either because she hasn't seen her friends in ages) But still ultimately it really sucks.

I do not like feeling so crushed and tired and sad and hurt and like empty.

It's just a total accumulation of things.

Like how suddenly every one's gone.

Wee tze's gone.
Natasha's busy.
Yun's sick.
Pris- needless to say.
Randy's busy with his social life (that's all he's been doing recently).
Mav's probably mad at me, well I don't know actually.

Idk who else; but they're all just gone.

Jeremy is not worth talking to.

And the fact that the people who are supposed to care, don't/can't/aren't- really makes me wanna cry.

I'm so messed up.

It's the end of the year.

God snap your fingers and make a miracle.

Send me someone who'll turn my life back around.

So that maybe I can slowly build it back with his/her help.

And also in a way that'll bring me back to where you and I were before.

I need it.

Badly.

2010-12-29T23:22:00.002+08:00

Nothing's left.

Once again.

I mean what should I expect right. I really did quite a dreadful thing. And I really was out of line. I honestly do regret it, idk if people can ever forgive me. Hope so :/

I miss having him around. It's like now that he's gone, I'm just kinda like *meh. My hand's feel empty not texting him. I still think about him, still think about what it could've been like. I mean I didn't want it to end but after everything I guess that's what we should do. He thinks we've lost it anyway and that there's no future for us. I just think that 2 months is still considerably early imho. And alternatively I would've carried on talking to him and all. But he says it's gone, so I guess. Gone.

Plus after all that I've said, nothing much I can ask for right. Whatever it is, it's over. I'm gonna have to deal with that.

I don't like talking to the guy still after things end because I know I will end up still stuck on the whole me and him idea. And it's better if I just stepped away. Even though right now I'd give anything I like call him and talk to him like nothing even happened.

Just thinking about it makes me wanna cry.

And I'm just gonna say everything here because no one reads this anyway.

I apologised to Georgia and she didn't say anything and that bugs me but what to do.

I apologised to both Brand and Mav- omg till now I still can't believe they thought it was them. I was talking about J & M oh gosh!? But yeah it bugs me that they can easily not believe me.

I apologised to Wee- and it's overrr.

I keep saying it so that like yknw it hits me. But it still doesn't. Yet. I think.

Fuck I'm so screwed luhhhh.

Okay I need to go cry.

2010-12-21T09:52:00.000+08:00

No doubt.

2010-12-21T09:42:00.004+08:00

I realise that tumblr'll always be tumblr. But blogger's different. I can't do without either.

Anyway so here's my wellthoughtemolikehellpost;

You left more than a year ago as of now, and I guess you could say the 'withdrawal' symptoms have ceased. (I sound like a clingy, obsessed little child which I am not- ohfuq) Oh well anyway, I still do have the occasional times where I go- shit I wish you were here, I wish you still loved me, I wish you missed me.

I have it all on myself for your leaving. As much as I'd do anything for you to come back to me, I know it'll probably end badly. You have some chain effect on me. One small thing and I can easily .. for lack of a better word, want you all over again.

But the thing is, I don't. I really don't. You're not something I want in my life. Far from it, I'd run. It's always the things that are so wanted that are also equally easily repulsive.

Part of me wants you, part of me hates you. No one'll get it.

I have no idea why I'm blogging about this but yeah.

You screwed me over once, and that's not ever gonna happen again.

I do love you.

I do miss you.

I do kinda want you.

But I'm officially far from needing you.

I'm better off without you. No doubt.

2010-07-14T22:29:00.001+08:00

Moved. Blogger to Tumblr. Seeya (;

2010-07-13T22:52:00.001+08:00

splatter heart

bright red, oh the sweet taste of wrath
blood sugar, the sweet freedom felt
before the heat starts to burn over
the soul starts to melt

kicking love and stomping hope
adjacent fists, grabbing fear
punching life in its face
breaking its spine towards its tear

splatter heart, deeper cuts
over water plants like they were fate
the blood red stain on anger's shirt
making freedom anticipate

if the dark could just light up just abit
would others do as we see fit
splatter heart, deeper cuts
pain is your glue
and tears are your parts

-jared ho

2010-07-11T20:05:00.003+08:00

I hate fighting with my parents.
I hate times like now when I want to cry.
I hate being vulnerable.
I hate crying sometimes.
I hate being weak.
I hate wanting to cry.
I hate love.
I hate hate.
I hate the whole idea of the perfect fairy tale.
I hate it when the sun rises.
I hate monotony.
I hate deadlines.
I hate it when I feel sad.
I hate it when someone makes me feel emotions that I don't want to.
I hate loving love.
I hate eating.
I hate sleeping and the waking up.
I hate waking up then sleeping again just to wake up.
I hate change.
I hate you.
I hate her.
I hate him.
I hate them.
I hate it.
I hate me for hating so many things.
I hate her for thinking I hate her.
I hate math.
I hate chinese.
I hate it when it rains and I'm out.
I hate it when I'm so emo.
I hate wanting to hurt myself.
I hate it when I succeed.
I hate it when I'm so needy.
I hate now.
I hate later.
I hate the anticipation of when we'll all make up.
I hate the future in three years time.
I hate not knowing what people think of me.
I hate this.
& I hate the word hate. But I wish you loved me.

Hush

2010-07-08T21:22:00.004+08:00

Promised not to cry.

2010-07-05T16:31:00.003+08:00

Yesterday; we talked. Felt like old times. Like hell I treasured that one day. I missed you.

2010-07-02T23:37:00.001+08:00

Muacks

2010-07-02T21:55:00.001+08:00

"Consequence of smoking: Greater risk of injury and slower healing time. Smoking affects the body's ability to produce collagen, so common sports injuries, such as damage to tendons and ligaments, will heal more slowly in smokers than nonsmokers."

-Now I know why..!!

Sharsee

2010-06-30T23:17:00.002+08:00

Toldya my girlfriend's cute. Imy babe. Love you to bits.

I'm meeting her soon. Can't wait love!

2010-06-28T22:22:00.001+08:00

Hey baby, Imy. Wondering, thinking, hoping, fantasizing. I love you, always have, always will.

2010-06-25T02:00:00.005+08:00

Happy times when we were still okay~

My love note to you

2010-06-25T01:20:00.008+08:00

Here let me tell you a lil' secret.

There was once a girl who loved her best friend. They were so super uber close. They spent a lot of time talking and chatting. They grew very close and realise they couldn't do without each other. But then one day the lil girl's best friend stopped talking to her and they drifted apart. The lil girl was very sad. But there was nothing she could. After crying a lot to her mummy, her mummy explained to her that sometimes best friends needed space. The lil girl tried to understand and move on.

Years have passed and now that the lil girl has grown up, she thinks back and wishes she could have her best friend back, and promises to do things differently. But she knows that that's impossible.

2010-06-24T17:44:00.005+08:00

Cinderella

She spins and she sways to whatever song plays
Wiihout a care in the world
And I'm sitting wearing the weight of the world
On my shoulders
It's been a long day
And there's still work to do
She's pulling at me saying Dad I need you
There's a ball at the castle and I've been invited

And I need to practice my dancing
Oh please, Daddy please

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
Cos I know something the Prince never knew
Oh I will dance with Cinderella
I don't wanna miss even one song
Cos all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone

She says he's a nice guy and I'd be impressed
She wants to know if I approve of the dress
She says Dad the prom is just one week away
And I need to practice my dancing
Oh please, Daddy please

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
Cos I know something the prince never knew
Oh I will dance with Cinderella
I don't wanna miss even one song
Cos all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone

She came home one day with a ring on her hand
Glowing and telling us all they had planned
She says dad the wedding's still six months away
And I need to practice my dancing
Oh please, Daddy please

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
Cos I know something the prince never knew
Oh I will dance with Cinderella
I don't wanna miss even one song
Cos all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone...

2010-06-24T17:33:00.002+08:00

You are so freaking full of yourself!! I swear. Yknw you always say stupid shit like, yes I tell you things, you're my best friend and best friends tell each other things so you must tell me things, or like when I ask you something you tell me something new that went on and I'll go, why didn't you tell me! And you reply, you didn't ask. Or like how you say that we exclude you and all that shit. Do we exclude you or do you not want to be a part of it? You only join in when it suits your fucking self.

Look! You don't ever tell us anything. When I want to talk to you, you come up with some jokingly insulting comment which I've grown so sick of that it has actually begun to hurt. Or you come up with some excuse, ask me to shut up, or go away. When you DO want to talk to me, yknw what the conversation surrounds? You. When I say something about me, you'll go, another guy again?! Wth sia! And you only want to hear the interesting things. Have we held hands, how did he ask me, where have we gone, what have we done, etc. You don't care about the serious shit, the bore you or something. And I really really don't get it. A serious friend cares and listens to everything! Another thing's that when you look for me, you ask me things. Like gossip. And you just want to hear what's new and interesting. I'm sick; so fucking sick of your bullshit and your indifference-ness.

Time and again you give me that pitiful puppy dog face which I'll puke at the next time and I'll forgive you. But idk why I keep giving you so many goddamned chances. If you don't want to be a part of this relationship which includes YOU and ME. Then really. I don't need you to be. I'll just move on and you can go fool around with whoever you damn well please. Who replies to their friend when asked "what happened," with a "you happened"?! That's just downright mean.

Leave me alone. Don't talk to me tyvm. I can't be bothered with you anymore.

2010-06-22T23:12:00.000+08:00

I've been wanting to blog. But I think I've gotten lazy.

2010-06-15T22:48:00.001+08:00

HeyyoyouwhydoImissyousomuch.

my own random thoughts

2010-06-10T23:04:00.002+08:00

Damn it.
Aye, I needa move on. Look at the sky. The clouds float by and drift off. So do guys actually. Hmmm wonder how Sharms is.. Lovely, you've got us. Okay? I know you don't read my blog. That's sad. Wish it'd be like old times. Fencing was fun. I love too many people. Damn. Wait is that even possible? Does death make me stop loving people? Does the possibility of heartbreaks make me stop loving people? Gasp. Why're hearts so fragile. Why do wine glasses represnt fragility! They should put my heart there on the lil' wooden boxes. Broken. My sister wrote when she was P6: My sisters roles/responsiblities- 1) Fight with me. 2) Push her responsibilities to me. 3) Buy me stuff when she feels like it. 4) Be nice to me when she feels like it. And her responsibilities was to "Check if the Hamster was dead yet!" I think my sister hates me. :( Omg! Yknw. Maybe I should stop telling everyone everything and be some hard nut to crack. Works for others. They seem to be fine. Maybe it doesn't hurt as much when you put lotion before you pluck your eyebrows. Is that possible? If the sky was pink all the time and the flowers cream, would the grass be blue and would she love me? Imy. *Whoosh* That's the signal for everyone to get into position. But the wind also goes whoosh. And usually, everything goes with it. Changes. Bruises. Ow my heart aches. Shit why's it so late.

2010-06-10T22:58:00.004+08:00

My sentiments exactly.

Well I did try leaving my life before.

Didn't work out as I expected it to.

Just landed me in Hospital.

2010-06-10T22:48:00.003+08:00

Every song will come to an end. The last note will sound and the curtain will close.

Love Beyond Boundaries

2010-05-27T23:41:00.003+08:00

Love Note DEBORAH

Neoyun;

Hey you (; Wow. It's been what, a decade almost? Since we've been like best friends. Titles don't matter. But I think it's safe to say that what we share ain't some wishy-washy-any-howy kinda friendship. Well, we've been through enough that the foundation of our friendship's really really solid. Obviously I still get annoyed with you. And likewise, you get annoyed with me. But what's the fun without the little bickering and then patching up and being awesome-rr friends than ever?! Hahahahaha. WELL. I need something from you though. Please come back in one piece laden with presents for me from Japan! Idk how I'm gonna tahan! Even Lukas misses you since you left SR. What more me!!!!!!!! SO. You betterrrr come back! Or else.. I'll cry you an ocean.

Imy, Iny, Ily!

Natasha;

Heyheyhey! Likewise, we've been best friends for almost a decade! And once again, titles don't matter but hey; we do have something pretty awesome here. Do come back in one piece stuck full with shit loads-a presents for me! Well you guys are abandoning me in this godforsakenlyhot country after all in pursuit of cooler climates! My sunburn's gonna burn even more. Thanks for your beach stuff! I'll return them to you when you get back. Omg I feel like hijacking your wardrobe while you're gone. Heeheehee!! (; I kid- Or maybe notttt.. Hmmm Hahahahaha! Just get back quick yeah? I'll see you when you get back. And I promise I won't blow you off again! And you better come back or I'll have to cry you an ocean. And if Yun doesn't, I'll have to cry 2 oceans!

Imy, Iny, Ily!

Both of you! Promise me you'll both put on your seatbelts and be good girls. No attempting to do anything you won't normally do. Don't find your soulmate in NY (Nats) and Tokyo/Osaka (Yun) and end up never coming back. I'm not flying to NY and Japan for my kids to see their godmotherss! ;D And call me when you guys get back. I'll be so glad to hear your voices. Drop me a text at the very least to tell me you guys are safe back in Singapore where I can hound and stalk you!!

Anyway, I love you babes to bits. Come back to me soon pretty please <3>

xoxo; muacks Deb

PS: & I promise, by the time you guys get back, I would've ceased my whining about jon getting a gf like less than a month after I dumped him. Yes Nats, I know you're gonna say that we didn't have much to hold on to, Agreed! And yes Yun, I know you're gonna say that he's moved on, and that I should too. I have! Just not using another guy (e.g. Rayson)

2010-05-26T23:08:00.002+08:00

Reading LGMH or GMH is so freaking depressing. I'd honestly rather read FML and laugh at them. You read all these and then you begin to wonder, why the hell do they get all these seemingly wonderful guys and I don't. This isn't fair. Cliche- Life isn't fair.

No one stopped me from killing myself.
No one saved me when I killed myself.
No one is my best friend whom I can possibly marry.
No one has ever done anything for me and get killed in the process, and later I realise he loves me.
No one has raped my mom and has to have my dad step in 22years ago when she was 16 and he, 18.

.... Dumb sounding? They've all appeared in LGMH's top best picks of the year.
I honestly don't get it. Why do people need to share with the world how awesome their guy/girl is. Yes we get it. Love gives you hope. Well but this very website has caused me to once again, think whether love is tangible and in the first place, possible. All these things make me wonder if love does exist. If it does why does it seem to hit only these people. It makes it seem like fairy tale wonder. Makes me doubt love all the more.

Cloud Gate: Wind Shadow

2010-05-26T10:41:00.014+08:00

Wind Shadow LIN Hwai-min

I attended the performance Wind Shadow, by Cloud Gate yesterday night. Cloud Gate is a world renowned dance company which features LIN Hwai-min as their choreographer and founder. Despite many setbacks such as a burnt down studio, they have succeeded in bringing crowds to their feet (as Yun demonstrated) after breath taking performances.

However I was sorely disappointed with their performance yesterday. Much of the disappointment was contributed by the fact that I was looking forward to a dance performance rather than one relating to visual art. They focused largely on how shadows can be created by angling of lighting and the mimicry of other dancers depicting themselves as shadows rather than display an actual dance piece.

However what caught my eye was the fact that they did not really have music. It was more of sounds accompanying the dancers as the moved. Music, in dance, is not only to accompany and beautify a dance piece. It also assist the dancers in keeping in time with each other. However despite the absence of continuous music, the dancers were able to keep in time with each other, and bring out the full meaning of how a shadow copies the human's movements in silence. The movements of the shadows were accurately in sync with that of the human's and they moved with such fluidity. This was particularly noticeable in the scene where the human's walked and moved forward, dragging their shadows behind them.

Perhaps LIN Hwai-min was trying to convey the idea of shadows as proof of who we are and what we've done. The shadows are a direct copy of the human's actions, hence as it is in life, our shadows are the proof of what we have done or where we have been. It follows us wherever we go and they remind us that we are indeed a walking, living person. However, when the shadows become interchangeable with the human's, we begin to wonder if shadows will strictly stick to their role of mimicking the human's movements, or do our shadows tell a different story, a different take on the decisions, actions and events in the lives of the humans. Perhaps shadows begin to take over us, consuming us where we end up mimicking them rather than they mimic us. They do not imitate us as they used to. They begin to alter their movements, and explore the boundaries, pushing pass simply imitating our actions and creating their own.

In the scene where shots of fire, silhouettes and sceneries are screened on white flags, we hear sounds of a baby's gurgling and later gun shots. It takes us from life to death. A baby representing life, and the explosions and gun shots representing death. Perhaps the billowing flags and wind signify passing in time, from a baby's infancy to premature death by gunfire in perhaps a war. Thus we can see how the viciousness of the world has consumed us and as the shadows appear to dance together, we see how all that is left of us humans are the shadows that we have left behind in our lives. The black snow that falls at the end, growing stronger at climaxing points in the music imply that the shadows are soon coming to an end, as is winter the end of a full season. Hence follows the black hole that sucks up everything.

The imagery displayed is that eventually nothing will be left. When we are born, when we die, the shadows that accompany us will one day be sucked up and disappear. Despite everything we do in life, the different marks we imprint in the society, eventually it will all come to naught and we will be left with the darkness that we began with.

Review by Deborah

2010-05-15T00:04:00.003+08:00

Jealousy and I really don't gel.

I swear. It's like one minute I'm totally heck-ish. And the next, seeing/finding out something, can freaking catapult me into some insane fml-what's-going-on-mood. Hate myself.

I swear being les may just work.

I think I may just be losing it. I'm coming up with the oddest ideas.

*Ignore me.

Hi Menthol, my name's Deborah. Let's be friends. Best friends (L)

But no one can replace Tiffany(L)! Sorry love, first loves stick.

Anyone out there losing their mind too over life.

Here; gimme a five.

Let's dress up and hit the streets, do some sticks, reek of alcohol.

Maybe then we'll be able to take school down and in our stride.

Or let's just focus on the hangover first.

Hmm can't decide!

Dance it off skinny bitch.

2010-04-26T23:18:00.001+08:00

I want a boy who will move the hair away from my eyes, and then kiss me. Who will hold my hand in line at the mall and make all the girls jealous. A boy who will sing to me at random moments. Who lets me sleep on his chest. I want a guy who will tell his family and friends all about me. Bring me soup or orange juice when I’m sick. I want a boy who is more goofy than romantic, but knows the right things to say at the right times. I want a boy who will call me 3 times a day if he went away. A boy who will apologize for calling too much, and no matter how many times I tell him its okay, he’d still do it. A boy who will let me gossip to him and just smile and agree with everything I say. A boy who will throw stuffed animals at me when I acted dumb and then jump on me and kiss me a million times. Who will bet kisses on who could beat who on at game. Who makes fun of me just to make me laugh. A boy who will surprise me with 25 cent ring and we could have contest of how far we can spit our gum. Who will take me to the park, put his hands around my waist and give me big bear hugs all the time. A boy who will kiss my neck, just to have a reason to tell me how much he loves my new perfume. I want a boy who, at night, who will dance in his pajamas with me. A boy who will take pictures in photo booths with me, someone who will never turn down a trip to the lake and who will play tag on the beach with me. A boy who could sit with me on the kitchen floor and eat sandwiches. Who will kiss me in the pouring rain. I want a boy who would try to teach me how to play the guitar, even if we just end up laughing at each other. I want a boy who will run his fingers through my hair, share his lollipops with me, and get along with all of my friends. Someone who would never be afraid to say I love you in front of his friends and someone who would argue with me about silly things just to make up. I want a boy who will take me to Target to just make fun of some of the stuff there. Someone who will kiss me at midnight on New Years and who will make funny faces at me when I’m on the phone. I want a boy who will count stars with me and be friends with my family. I want a boy who will stay home with me on a Friday night just to help me make dinner and watch movies together under the same blanket. Someone who will squirt water guns at me in the house after I’ve got him soaked. I want a boy who looks me the eye and tell me something serious, that was also funny and make me promise not to laugh. A boy who could make me laugh like no one else can. I want a boy who will hold me closer than normal when I’m sick, and would play with my hair. But mostly I want a boy who is my best friend and will always be there for me.

THIS KIND OF GUY WHERE TO FIND??!! THEY DON'T EXIST -.-

HAHAHAHHAH YES YUN I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU.

Every girl wants their fairy tale guy.

Sorry to pop your bubble hun but they don't exist.

And do brush up on your grammar. Tyvm.

2010-04-26T18:48:00.001+08:00

& Idk if you know this but after you walked away, it hurt, and I cried. Thanks for everything love. I appreaciate you sticking it through with me despite the fact that I'm sucha hard person to love.

2010-04-26T18:41:00.003+08:00

Hey everyone who most probably now thinks I'm a slut who used Jon.
I'm gonna stick to my decision. The people who mind don't matter, and the people who wouldn't mind matter. (Thanks Nats) And you don't matter, because if you did, you wouldn't think I was one. Sometimes somethings are hard to explain. Sure it's mostly my fault, and I bear full responsibility for this failed tragic relationship. But, hun, don't be so quick to judge. I'm sure just as much of a bitch as I am. It's innate in every girl. Tyvm.

2010-04-23T23:16:00.002+08:00

Wheehee! College day is hell fun. But hell tiring. I'm sitting here procrastinating PW.
*Fml.

And honestly. AM I THAT DEMANDING. Damn it.

One of my 10 gorgeous flowers pricked my finger. I'm sad..

I love my friends! They all showered me with gorgeous pretty beautiful flowers.
Not expecting any tomorrow though! Hahahahha.

I realise that the crowd also plays a part in the performance.. A dead performance usually doesn't give the performer the mood to get into the whole performing mood. Like how the first audience was more dead than the second. Hahahaha. Interested to see how the J2s will be like (;

Night darlings.

2010-04-22T22:21:00.000+08:00

My senior and I were contemplating going les, and we're both attached. God I love my cca.

2010-04-22T21:56:00.002+08:00

I've grown to love college day. Like mad.
Maybe it's because I didn't go for camp and hence were never close to the dancers, and never really met the seniors. But now it's muchhhh better! I mean seriously. Hahahaha I actually wave and acknowledge them. They used to intimidate me like hell ):

But imho, teachers needa be MUCH MORE understanding towards us.
We're already dying! I can't do my homework, even that I'm sure you can understand right. I'm just plain exhuasted!

Oh well, I'm aching and I stink and I smell and I've got cakey glitter make up on me, with hair spray disgustingly intertwined in my hair. I needa bath man. And shampoo and conditioner.

Tomorrow's the start of the performances. I pray, I pray, I do well. Cross my fingers and kiss my butt (:

Night world!

PS: I'll change my relationship status to In A Relationship with Jonathan Song when we get to our 1 month (;
PSS: New Year's Resolution - Quit smoggin' man.

2010-04-18T20:11:00.001+08:00

God school sucks. So tired.
Contemplating deleting my fb account.
Bored, monotonous life.
Miss pris. She made my life so psychotically crazy.

2010-04-12T22:08:00.004+08:00

First off; KNN STUPID PHONE SHORT CIRCUITED IN THE RAIN :'( *sob sob*

Second; OMG. College day rehearsals are gonna be the death of me.

Thirdly; Why the fuck did I sign up to help out at YOG. Seriously. I don't give a shit who wins/loses/comes to Singapore for whatever games. Unless we're talking dance. Which I'm sure we're not. Which reminds me.. Why isn't dance considered a sport?! How despicable. Okay not the point. Moving ON.

Fourthly; I'm just tired. Someone pass me a stick.

Night loves.

2010-04-05T20:48:00.001+08:00

First Korean song I'm addicted to. It actually makes sense people (:

Christian Louboutins

2010-04-01T19:40:00.003+08:00

"When women put on a pair of beautiful shoes they instantly hold themselves differently. Shoes transform your body language and attitude. They lift you physically and emotionally. I remember watching a Spanish woman in my shop try on some heels. She instantly stood up taller, her chest went out and her shoulders went back. She told her friend that they were better than a face lift." - Christian

And that is why Christian Louboutins are the sexiest shoes one earth.

2010-03-31T21:49:00.000+08:00

♥ ☮

To; us

2010-03-30T20:13:00.005+08:00

"hello there (: i missed you and i hope you're doing alright. (: thanks for being such an awesome friend. that blog post was really special to me." -Sharms

OMG. How can your heart not melt at such a precious message from sharms. Or from anyone for that matter. Aww babe. I miss you so much god knows. No one can miss you more than me ):

Ugh. Why must school tear us apart. I swear I never treasured being able to see you guys everyday. And now that privilege has been robbed of me. I needa kill something/someone. How about my lungs? Yeah that sounds good. A few sticks'll do the trick. Okay I won't. But yeah.
Please. If we drift, I'll be so fking devastated who knows what I'll do.

I love you sharmaine sie shao ming.

I love you vani swarupa. m.

Always have, always will.

xoxo

we had fun babe, yes we did

one of our only few normal shots

yes sharms, we called it the....

NOODLY show!

Tap, me on the left. Tap, you on the right. Nice nails (;

We sure as hell are a bunch of freaky fun friends forced to fly off to freaking far away places.

(alliteration, mrs dahlliwahl will be so proud that I can alliterate, but maybe not so happy that I never knew how to spell her name.)

But we still love each other's lovable asses nonetheless.

I know I can speak for myself when I say that.

It's this that got us through.

And it's this that's gonna get us through once again.

Ily, Imy, Iny, I'll never forget you.

2010-03-30T19:44:00.003+08:00

Mei

Charis, Me, Anna jie jie

Just a few random pictures from CNY with my cousins.

My Love to you guys out there

2010-03-29T21:51:00.006+08:00

Shoutout:

L to R: Heyong, Ash, Sharms, Ann.

Vani

Can you say epic fail.

I think I just love you too much babe (;

Forever my favourite girlfriend xoxo

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Is it wrong to love me girlfriend too much?? (:

On another note. You guys out there, better be thankful that I'm doing this. It's full of my unglams. Fat arms, fat fat arms. Small eyes, unglam shots. Hahahaha. Drunk shots. *ahem* Almost drunk shots. And my boyfriend practically reads my blog everyday. *ahem (; *

So yes. ANN. SHARMS. VANI. Better love me loads for this (;

Sorry but I think I'll love my bf more. Hahahahahahahahahahhahahahaha. -Jon don't blush and be too happy yet (:

Anyway babes. Sorry for not updating you guys. Guess this is just comic relief. Cos i sure as hell am in need of one. And my way of updating you guys. I'll always love you guys. You guys are my first love (;

Hugs and kisses to all. Yes sharms. I'll kiss you on the lips. MUACKS ;D

LOVEEE, DEBORAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Forget me, and die.

Ps; Vani my lovely babe. Don't be too sad. It's okay. Reserve doesn't = not good. They're saving the crazyly awesome babe for the last. Yknw.. (;

2010-03-28T22:07:00.001+08:00

I know you read my blog everyday. Stalker. Hahahaha <3

2010-03-27T23:17:00.002+08:00

Absolutely addicted to The Cab.

Trying to get everyone to love them too (;

Got my cousin to love Vegas Skies!

Score one for deb! You go girl (;

I've got shit load of work to do. Till then (;

Here's The Cab with Take My Hand.

Love, deb.

A Diary Inspired Entry

2010-03-26T20:52:00.000+08:00

Dear Diary,

My hair smells nice.

I wonder if this post is the reason why we're where we are now.

Either, I like where we are. But it's just not practical man. Wonder how it'll work out. But I guess no harm giving us a shot right?

Love, me (:

2010-03-22T21:04:00.002+08:00

I've a ton of holiday homework that I never knew existed. Screw balls.

-

Wuthering Heights is boring me to death. If I'd earlier on read it for leisure, like jane eyre, it wouldn't have been so bad. Enjoyable even. But hell man. Jane Eyre is written similarly to Wuthering heights, simply because they are sisters who wrote them. Hence the era's is around there. But hell, Wuthering Heights is hell. I'm already lost. III Chapters into the book and I'm like "Say what..?" Good Luck with the rest of the year babe.

-

And I'm learning swear words so that I won't get tricked into using them (;
KNNBCCB. (Whoops! (; )

Love Deb!

Voltaire

2010-03-21T20:55:00.002+08:00

There are truths which are not for all men, nor for all times.

La vie est hérissée de ces épines, et je n'y sais d'autre remède que de cultiver son jardin.

(Life is bristling with thorns, and I know no other remedy than to cultivate one's garden. )

"Si Dieu n'existait pas, il faudrait l'inventer." Mais toute la nature nous crie qu'il existe; qu'il y a une intelligence suprême, un pouvoir immense, un ordre admirable, et tout nous instruit de notre dépendance.

("If God did not exist, He would have to be invented." But all nature cries aloud that he does exist: that there is a supreme intelligence, an immense power, an admirable order, and everything teaches us our own dependence on it. )

Un bon mot ne prouve rien. (A witty saying proves nothing. )

My personal favourite:

Qui plume a, guerre a. -To hold a pen is to be at war.

Voltaire: Not a day goes by without our using the word optimism, coined by Voltaire against Leibniz, who had demonstrated that we live in the best of possible worlds. Voltaire, very reasonably, denied that exhorbitant opinion... Leibniz could have replied that a world which has given us Voltaire has some right to be considered the best. (credit: wikipedia)

"What we find in books is like the fire in our hearths. We fetch it from our neighbor's, we kindle it at home, we communicate it to others, and it becomes the property of all." -Voltaire

Wow. I'm absolutely captivated by him! Okay the weirdest thing sparked off the wiki search on him: Jon and his french-ness. But yeah. Voltaire is the pen name of François-Marie Arouet. He was a writer, philosopher, playwright. And wow do I love his quotes. But what struck me most was his stand on religion! And well yeah. If you want, you can go read more about him. I have absolutely no time or i'd love to pour over his works. The Maid of Orleans etc.

Night, love! (;

2010-03-20T16:08:00.002+08:00

Carelessly i remember
Nights i held so close to my heart
And how you kept it from falling apart
Oh your love-
So incredible,
Verily like the stars above

Carelessly i forget
How you can take my tender vital organ
And point it with words like handguns
Oh my love-
Honey you are the hunter
And i am the dove

But now all blotted into somewhere unknown and foreign
This love maybe you have forgotten.

Josiah Ho

*Cheer up dear. You know you'll make it through (:

2010-03-20T16:00:00.004+08:00

Blogs can be so damn cheesy. But they do also offer readers a peek into the person's life? Everyday happenings. But hell those can be so boring. And not to mention painful to read, when the person's grammar is atrocious. Either way, you can have a glimpse into my inner thoughts!- Not.

Back to my homework! Price determinant. Outward shift of demand curve due to increase in demand. Upward pressure on price...

Ttyl, in the meantime, have a listen to this (;

<3 Deb (;

2010-03-20T15:55:00.003+08:00

Wow. Proud of myself. I added my twitter widget to my blog. All by myself (:
Happy viewing >>>>>

2010-03-12T20:01:00.002+08:00

Man do I have some damn good times at frolick (;

2010-03-08T21:09:00.004+08:00

Before the end of the first term, I'm already caught in a love tangle. Damn it! Ohwell. I guess it may be worth it after all (;

-

Somehow bitching gets me through things. Wow. I've lost it. Truly have. My lovely bitching session with Hil and Val ended great when they gave him a pass! Whoo!! Hahahaha!! He seems to have gained the approval of many people! Michelle (Lim), Vani, Hilary, Valerie, omg idk who else but yeah. Natasha? Yun?
*though some people seem to be against me and him, right.., bring it to my face please (:

But yeah! So now, we'll see how things go and go and go and go and go and- shit this is so frivolous.

-

Kissing people's injuries have become my new thing! I kissed my dear jeremy's cut on sunday. And with Linus, TJ, Lukas all in sports CCAs, I'm sure I'll have more injuries to kiss!! Hahahaha. I love my PLCMC- SRJC clique! Lukas got me through bitchy-shit today (; Otherwise I swear I would've ran to some toilet to cry! Lukas you better be reading this!

-

Aye, headache. Screw my specs.

Night love!
Deb (;

2010-03-07T22:23:00.001+08:00

Yknw how you always think about such awesome things to blog about?? And then when you actually get down to doing it, you totally forget what you wanted to blog about?? Omg. Yes. Blogger's block!! Hahahaha!!

2010-03-06T16:44:00.002+08:00

I have grown to dread guys liking me. You have to deal with a lot of things. And most of the time? They all end badly. It's really quite infuriating to be honest, because why can't I ever handle things perfectly. If I could, it would save me a lot of annoyance and distress. Like seriously, most of the time, the guys turn out to be pretty good friends. But this whole thing can cause such a blow up that maintaining a friendship is near impossible. So, to hell with dealing with such things. I'll just let nature take it's course. I'm not annoyed with the guy. I just think he's dumb enough to like me. Of all girls, me. I'm annoyed with myself!

If I do fall for you in the end, and you still like me- We'll see how.
If I do fall for you in the end, and you're already over me- Too bad for me then, just gotta get over another guy again.
If I don't fall for you in the end, and you still like me- Then I'm dreadfully sorry.
If I don't fall for you in the end, and you're already over me- Good for us! Move on.

Oblivion
Would that work though?? I don't think it solves anything. So nah. I just wish I'd know how things in love work.

-

Poor girl. I so saw it coming. Now I just look at her and thank the heavens I never got together with him. It's not possible that he fell for her after 2days telling me that we couldn't be together. Chances are he was toying with us both! Just pray that the next girl doesn't get tricked by him all over again. Though I don't have much faith in that happening.

-

Joining dance has gotta be the best decision I've ever made in my life this year. Though the seniors seem intimidatingly scaryyy ): I still think I'll get through it (:

Love, Deb!

2010-03-05T07:47:00.002+08:00

It's 7.45am and i'm supposed to be getting ready for school. So i wonder, why am i on the computer.

I wish sometimes people wouldn't like me. Or that i was totally unlikeable. Because then that way, no one would get hurt because of me.

2010-02-26T23:05:00.002+08:00

Dropping my phone in some revolting public bus stop dustbin was so not part of the plan. But I did, believe it or not.
Being late by a fraction of a second wasn't part of the plan either. But it happened.
Getting caught for hair and skirt by the same teacher wasn't either. But I did get caught.
Being called on to give my opinion on a poem (Summer Stood Naked/Stay Naked Always) illustrating a women's (you'll later realise it isn't a woman) naked body in such intense detail was totally not expected either. But I had to come up with something- damn it- and got laughed at in the process.
Aching, hurting, stretched, groaning, grinding, cracking, bones/muscles and body limbs was kinda a given the second I joined dance. So yes I'm in sufficient pain to say I worked today in dance.

-But yeah! I just summarised my week for you.

Oh throw in a couple of stacks of tutorials, essays, and math sums to do and another generous ladle-ful of tests following next week, and yeah. Pretty much there.

If Jc's really gonna be like this, I can totally, officially, resign now. But I shan't be a coward!
I'll face it.

-

If being birthed into a Christain family meant staying a Christian all my life, I shall now turn around and go: "Hypocrite." Why is it such a goddamn big deal that I don't wanna go to church! Waste of time imho. Especially juniors. And please, just zip it. Save your long explanations on how important fellowship is. I don't give a damn. Plus if I haven't come to fully believe in what I was taught to believe in after Sixteen years, will another ten years do the job? Please. Save us all the trouble and let me figure out shit on my own. Kthxbye.

Screw anal parents man.

-

What an odd post.
Ohwell. I'm me (:

Deb

Guys are such cowards.

2010-02-23T22:30:00.003+08:00

Occasionally I'll be hit by this sudden angst and delete all my blog posts and swear never to blog ever again. And then by some odd whim, I'll turn back to spewing all my pent up thoughts onto this online portal. And here we go again-

Guys are such cowards.

Really. Truly. Seriously.
Think about it.

Guys should be brave enough to confess their feelings. If they're brave enough to like a girl, they should be brave enough to do things to get her, damn it. Don't beat around the bush like some scared silly little mouse. It annoys the shit outta the girl and gets her annoyed with you. She may just move on seeing as you can't even say "I like you." (And for goodness sake. They do it over text. How hard can it be!)

Anyway. Guys are cowards. Period.

On Valentines, I asked a few guy friends if they wanted to send roses to any girls.
They said yeah.
So i asked them, why the hell aren't they sending any?!
Their reply?..: "Don't want laaaaaa."
Oh come on! The girl wants to receive roses. The guy wants to send roses.
If the guy would just pluck up his balls and send the flowers, it'll be a win-win situation. Everyone wins!

And anyway! Why's it that guys can ask girls out over phone/text. Confess over phone/text/(worse stilll..) MSN; But we can't break up with them over the phone?! So guys can be ball-less and forgiven. But girls can't do the same and not be called a bitch?!!?! Right.. I don't get it. And yes I took that from my fb status! SO there.

The male species is
Immature, Childish, Confusing, Ball-less, Annoying, CONFUSING, and did i mention ball-less?? Yeah.

Love, DEBBBBBBB.

PS; Go ahead! Hate me! Idc (:

2010-02-15T23:06:00.000+08:00

I look at the mirror
i dont see my reflection
all i see is you
the one with perfect complexion

When i look at my hand
i see yours in mine
it comforts me alot
it makes me feel fine

Part of me
you will always be
part of me
i can only see

The fact that you are here
makes me feel so clear
without anything to worry about
without anything at all to fear

Constantly i love of you
you are the essence of my soul
if you are gone, a part of me dies
and i do not know where i will go

Jared Ho

2010-01-25T22:16:00.005+08:00

Yknw I seriously thought all this backstabbing shit was long past. I guess not.
Anyway, my blog shall cease to exist. Till further notice.
Just sitting here. Allowing for everything to sink in, and to grasp the hurt and let the pain encompass my heart.
Goodbye.

I deleted every single post.